The winner is obvious. James Bond: cool gadgets, suaveness, combat skills. Zeus: lightning powers, inhumanly strong and almost invulnerable. Plus Zeus has the home field advantage. Here's how it would go: James Bond: Suave comment. *whips out gun and cool gadget* Zeus: *picks up thunderbolt in one hand and a struggling James Bond in other hand* >>James Bond fires gun and activates cool gadget. No effect. >>Zeus throws thunderbolt at point blank range. ZAPPO!!! WINNER: ZEUS!
Zeus is a divine being. I see no precedent set in which Bond defeats a divine being. Zeus wins by a landslide. Bond's only possible chance is to out charm Zeus and trick him into essentially giving up. But this is Zeus we're talking about. The god that turned into a bull to have sex with a woman. The patron god of soap operas. I repeat: Zeus wins by a landslide.
The more I think about it, the more I'm willing to grant Bond. He still loses horribly, but I think he'd be able to get away with sleeping with one of Zeus' women and getting rather far past his guards and security. That being said, Zeus is a divine being, he's the king of his pantheon. Zeus still wins decidedly for me.
Also, there's no preparation time. The main reason Bond is so good is that he has government organizations preparing for him. He has thousands of man hours behind every corner turn, every gunshot, and every cool gadget. Poof him to olympus and tell him "kill that guy on the throne". Tell me how that goes for him.
In a way this is a classic Bond movie scenario. Yeah Bond has gadgets but so do most of the enemies he faces. That or a large amount of guns, an army or henchmen with silly names. It all amounts to the same thing.
Bond has never had a fair fight. Maybe he thrives on it. Certainly facing a God on his home turf would be just that.
But first he needs a reason. So how about this. It comes to the attention of the world that someone or something is impregnating various women around the world against their will. All attempts to stop it have been met with swift and painful retribution. Faced with the prospect of demigods running around doing whatever they like the world does the only thing it can: send a womanizer to catch a womanizer. The only difference between them being that Bond, for all his womanizing ways never had any children.
I'm not saying it'd be a fair fight, but I can guarantee that before the Olympian equivalent of a three minute timer reached zero Bond would be victorious.
He turned Pandareus to stone for stealing the golden dog which had guarded him as an infant in the holy Dictaeon Cave of Crete.
He killed Salmoneus with a thunderbolt for attempting to impersonate him, riding around in a bronze chariot and loudly imitating thunder.
At the marriage of Zeus and Hera, a nymph named Chelone refused to attend. Zeus transformed her into a tortoise.
Zeus, with Hera, turned King Haemus and Queen Rhodope into mountains (the Balkan mountains, or Stara Planina, and Rhodope mountains, respectively) for their vanity. Hmm...just how vain is Bond...?
He condemned Tantalus to eternal torture in Tartarus for trying to trick the gods into eating the flesh of his butchered son Pelops.
He condemned Ixion to be tied to a fiery wheel for eternity as punishment for attempting to violate Hera. Not for actually violating her, but just for ATTEMPTING!
Zeus sank the Telchines beneath the sea.
Zeus blinded the seer Phineus and sent the Harpies to plague him as punishment for revealing the secrets of the gods...
No way can Bond beat this kind of power. Poor James Bond...he'll end up condemned to having his liver eaten by a giant eagle for all eternity...
The difference is that all of Bond's escapades are either planned heavily over time, or executed precisely over time. The difference is in raw ability. One side can execute a master plan. The other side can basically think about killing someone and they die. How can you execute a master plan if you're dead from the start?
So many of his escapades are improvised! Any escape, chase scene and of course fight that have taken place can have a certain amount of planning done before hand in terms of training a set of skills but ultimately Bond has had to think on his feet a lot. Take for example the chase scene at the beginning of Casino Royale. How could he do any of that precisely or in advance?
Zeus is not undefeatable...I'm just saying he is not defeatable by Bond. The wikipedia track record stands. Clever mortals don't beat him, no matter how skillful, suave & lucky. Bond ends up chained to that rock next to Prometheus...
James Bond. Because if anyone can beat the gods, it's James Bond, considering the villains always die in the most ironic, hoist on their own petard way possible. Also, didn't he already defeat ZEUS? Or was that someone else?
In the last tournament Zeus lost to deadpool. To do this, Deadpool had to break the fourth wall, he had to go beyond reality and then back in. That's the only time I could see a mortal beating Zeus.
This is James Bond, the man who can sleep with anybody. Whose to say that they fight? I think they just have hot sweaty god on mortal sex, and the half god of Bond-Zeus moves on.
Ok, but if that doesn't work, how about this for a Bond win?
Bond jumps off Mount Olympus, praying that Hephaestus saves him. Given Bond's extreme luck RE: jumping off of tall things and living, I let him live here. Hephy and Bond talk it over, Hephaestus becoming Bond's new Q, and he gets all manner of new gadget. Bond gets these things, because he promises to stop Hephaestus' wife, Aphrodite, from sleeping around with Ares and other gods. Bond sweetens the deal by saying that he will get back at Zeus for throwing Hephaestus off of Mt. Olympus.
Once Bond gets some sword with Hind's blood or something, he goes back up to Mt. Olympus to kill Zeus. We know Zeus will give him this time to prepare, because his hubris is his great flaw (see her all the women he sleeps with even though he is "married" to Hera, the goddess of the sanctity of marriage).
I see the fight going like this, with Bond's God killing weaponry in hand.
Bond says some line like "Zeus, you remember how you slept with Io? Tell me, what was it like to have my sloppy seconds?!"
This will anger Zeus, who will fly into a rage, but not notice the invisible hand of Hephaestus guiding Bond's weapons. The weapon flies, stabs Zeus in the heart, killing him.
Bond then ends this by sleeping with Aphrodite. When caught in Hephaestus' magical invisible net, he quips "Thanks for the win, old chap. What, I said I would keep Ares from sleeping with her, didn't I? I'd like to see him try to sleep with her now! Hahaha!"
I just don't see how a normal human could beat a god. His strength, dexterity, and cunning are at most 1/5 that of Zeus because Zeus has the super natural abilities of a god. Normal humans would orgasm at the mere sight of him, even the most straight of males and gay of females, that's how gods work, they're above humans in both understanding and physical traits. If you were to give these two their own character sheets in Exalted Bond would have a 1 strength, 1 dexterity, 1 stamina, maybe 2 charisma and manipulation as that's already above a normal human level, 1 appearance, 1 perception as he's as perceptive as any human could be, maybe a 2 intelligence, and wit would be his only definite 2. Zeus on the other hand would have at least 5 strength, dexterity, and stamina, though probably more, around 4 charisma, a 7 manipulation thanks to his clever disguises such as a gander, and a 6 appearance seeing as how he could get even gods to do him, then he'd have a 10+ perception as he was omnipotent to all of earth and probably rather omnipotent when it came to his own Mt. Olympus, even if we assume he's dumb when it comes to book learning he still has knowledge of the entire world putting him at at least 4 intelligence, and lastly a 5 wit because you'd have to be extremely witty to think of becoming a bird to get a girl to do you. So that leaves bond at a grand total of 11 stat points and Zeus far over 40 and closer to 50. So yeah, about 5x better overall.
Bond, combined with the power of Her Majesty's Secret Service, AND the power of Haephaestus, cannot be stopped.
I sense a Goldfinger ending coming on. Zeus has all the advantages. He's slowly tracking Bond down. Bond has slept with all the Goddesses of Mount Olympus. This makes him the ONLY mortal man to take a goddess to bed in Greek Mythology and survive.
He's also the only one that didn't rape his way through the pantheon.
Bond is an inch from being smote before Zeus gets stabbed in the back by EVERY GODDESS ON MOUNT OLYMPUS. Zeus never stood a chance.
No, it never gets that far...Zeus doesn't track people down slowly. He is caught with the first goddess he beds, and before Her Majesty's Secret Service can even get wind of it, Bond is chained to that rock next to Prometheus, eagle slurping his liver...Bond is toast.
Woah is right. He doesn't, I'm just not buying that either. Oliver claims it due to Bond's "extreme luck," but I say that's "extreme nonsense." Haephy would not side with Bond, no matter how persuasive his attempts at manipulation.
Why wouldn't Haephaestus side with Bond? Zeus chucked him out of Olympus causing him to become lame. Permanently. And Haephaestus is Zeus' son. Doesn't that strike you as a little harsh?
Maybe not directly. But if the opportunity presented itself, and he saw a chance to turn the tables in a duel by sabotaging Zeus' equipment and providing Bond with something that took advantage of that, isn't it possible that all those years of bottled anger could be unleashed? He is known for being crafty.
The winner is obvious.
ReplyDeleteJames Bond: cool gadgets, suaveness, combat skills.
Zeus: lightning powers, inhumanly strong and almost invulnerable.
Plus Zeus has the home field advantage.
Here's how it would go:
James Bond: Suave comment. *whips out gun and cool gadget*
Zeus: *picks up thunderbolt in one hand and a struggling James Bond in other hand*
>>James Bond fires gun and activates cool gadget. No effect.
>>Zeus throws thunderbolt at point blank range. ZAPPO!!!
WINNER: ZEUS!
Zeus is a divine being. I see no precedent set in which Bond defeats a divine being. Zeus wins by a landslide. Bond's only possible chance is to out charm Zeus and trick him into essentially giving up. But this is Zeus we're talking about. The god that turned into a bull to have sex with a woman. The patron god of soap operas. I repeat: Zeus wins by a landslide.
ReplyDeleteThe more I think about it, the more I'm willing to grant Bond. He still loses horribly, but I think he'd be able to get away with sleeping with one of Zeus' women and getting rather far past his guards and security. That being said, Zeus is a divine being, he's the king of his pantheon. Zeus still wins decidedly for me.
ReplyDeleteKeep it coming guys! Also I've posted a new Quick Match. Check it out!
ReplyDeleteAlso, there's no preparation time. The main reason Bond is so good is that he has government organizations preparing for him. He has thousands of man hours behind every corner turn, every gunshot, and every cool gadget. Poof him to olympus and tell him "kill that guy on the throne". Tell me how that goes for him.
ReplyDeleteIn a way this is a classic Bond movie scenario. Yeah Bond has gadgets but so do most of the enemies he faces. That or a large amount of guns, an army or henchmen with silly names. It all amounts to the same thing.
ReplyDeleteBond has never had a fair fight. Maybe he thrives on it. Certainly facing a God on his home turf would be just that.
But first he needs a reason. So how about this. It comes to the attention of the world that someone or something is impregnating various women around the world against their will. All attempts to stop it have been met with swift and painful retribution. Faced with the prospect of demigods running around doing whatever they like the world does the only thing it can: send a womanizer to catch a womanizer. The only difference between them being that Bond, for all his womanizing ways never had any children.
I'm not saying it'd be a fair fight, but I can guarantee that before the Olympian equivalent of a three minute timer reached zero Bond would be victorious.
Zeus has a track record that can't be beat:
ReplyDeleteHe turned Pandareus to stone for stealing the golden dog which had guarded him as an infant in the holy Dictaeon Cave of Crete.
He killed Salmoneus with a thunderbolt for attempting to impersonate him, riding around in a bronze chariot and loudly imitating thunder.
At the marriage of Zeus and Hera, a nymph named Chelone refused to attend. Zeus transformed her into a tortoise.
Zeus, with Hera, turned King Haemus and Queen Rhodope into mountains (the Balkan mountains, or Stara Planina, and Rhodope mountains, respectively) for their vanity. Hmm...just how vain is Bond...?
He condemned Tantalus to eternal torture in Tartarus for trying to trick the gods into eating the flesh of his butchered son Pelops.
He condemned Ixion to be tied to a fiery wheel for eternity as punishment for attempting to violate Hera. Not for actually violating her, but just for ATTEMPTING!
Zeus sank the Telchines beneath the sea.
Zeus blinded the seer Phineus and sent the Harpies to plague him as punishment for revealing the secrets of the gods...
No way can Bond beat this kind of power.
Poor James Bond...he'll end up condemned to having his liver eaten by a giant eagle for all eternity...
Who am I to argue with Wikipedia?
ReplyDeleteOk...how about this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcAhTTDJTxA
Spoilers for people that haven't played God of War but were thinking about it.
The difference is that all of Bond's escapades are either planned heavily over time, or executed precisely over time. The difference is in raw ability. One side can execute a master plan. The other side can basically think about killing someone and they die. How can you execute a master plan if you're dead from the start?
ReplyDeleteSo many of his escapades are improvised! Any escape, chase scene and of course fight that have taken place can have a certain amount of planning done before hand in terms of training a set of skills but ultimately Bond has had to think on his feet a lot. Take for example the chase scene at the beginning of Casino Royale. How could he do any of that precisely or in advance?
ReplyDeleteZeus is not undefeatable...I'm just saying he is not defeatable by Bond. The wikipedia track record stands. Clever mortals don't beat him, no matter how skillful, suave & lucky. Bond ends up chained to that rock next to Prometheus...
ReplyDeleteJames Bond. Because if anyone can beat the gods, it's James Bond, considering the villains always die in the most ironic, hoist on their own petard way possible. Also, didn't he already defeat ZEUS? Or was that someone else?
ReplyDeleteIn the last tournament Zeus lost to deadpool. To do this, Deadpool had to break the fourth wall, he had to go beyond reality and then back in. That's the only time I could see a mortal beating Zeus.
ReplyDeleteThis is James Bond, the man who can sleep with anybody. Whose to say that they fight? I think they just have hot sweaty god on mortal sex, and the half god of Bond-Zeus moves on.
ReplyDeleteOk, but if that doesn't work, how about this for a Bond win?
Bond jumps off Mount Olympus, praying that Hephaestus saves him. Given Bond's extreme luck RE: jumping off of tall things and living, I let him live here. Hephy and Bond talk it over, Hephaestus becoming Bond's new Q, and he gets all manner of new gadget. Bond gets these things, because he promises to stop Hephaestus' wife, Aphrodite, from sleeping around with Ares and other gods. Bond sweetens the deal by saying that he will get back at Zeus for throwing Hephaestus off of Mt. Olympus.
Once Bond gets some sword with Hind's blood or something, he goes back up to Mt. Olympus to kill Zeus. We know Zeus will give him this time to prepare, because his hubris is his great flaw (see her all the women he sleeps with even though he is "married" to Hera, the goddess of the sanctity of marriage).
I see the fight going like this, with Bond's God killing weaponry in hand.
Bond says some line like "Zeus, you remember how you slept with Io? Tell me, what was it like to have my sloppy seconds?!"
This will anger Zeus, who will fly into a rage, but not notice the invisible hand of Hephaestus guiding Bond's weapons. The weapon flies, stabs Zeus in the heart, killing him.
Bond then ends this by sleeping with Aphrodite. When caught in Hephaestus' magical invisible net, he quips "Thanks for the win, old chap. What, I said I would keep Ares from sleeping with her, didn't I? I'd like to see him try to sleep with her now! Hahaha!"
I just don't see how a normal human could beat a god. His strength, dexterity, and cunning are at most 1/5 that of Zeus because Zeus has the super natural abilities of a god. Normal humans would orgasm at the mere sight of him, even the most straight of males and gay of females, that's how gods work, they're above humans in both understanding and physical traits. If you were to give these two their own character sheets in Exalted Bond would have a 1 strength, 1 dexterity, 1 stamina, maybe 2 charisma and manipulation as that's already above a normal human level, 1 appearance, 1 perception as he's as perceptive as any human could be, maybe a 2 intelligence, and wit would be his only definite 2. Zeus on the other hand would have at least 5 strength, dexterity, and stamina, though probably more, around 4 charisma, a 7 manipulation thanks to his clever disguises such as a gander, and a 6 appearance seeing as how he could get even gods to do him, then he'd have a 10+ perception as he was omnipotent to all of earth and probably rather omnipotent when it came to his own Mt. Olympus, even if we assume he's dumb when it comes to book learning he still has knowledge of the entire world putting him at at least 4 intelligence, and lastly a 5 wit because you'd have to be extremely witty to think of becoming a bird to get a girl to do you. So that leaves bond at a grand total of 11 stat points and Zeus far over 40 and closer to 50. So yeah, about 5x better overall.
ReplyDeleteBond, combined with the power of Her Majesty's Secret Service, AND the power of Haephaestus, cannot be stopped.
ReplyDeleteI sense a Goldfinger ending coming on. Zeus has all the advantages. He's slowly tracking Bond down. Bond has slept with all the Goddesses of Mount Olympus. This makes him the ONLY mortal man to take a goddess to bed in Greek Mythology and survive.
He's also the only one that didn't rape his way through the pantheon.
Bond is an inch from being smote before Zeus gets stabbed in the back by EVERY GODDESS ON MOUNT OLYMPUS. Zeus never stood a chance.
No, it never gets that far...Zeus doesn't track people down slowly. He is caught with the first goddess he beds, and before Her Majesty's Secret Service can even get wind of it, Bond is chained to that rock next to Prometheus, eagle slurping his liver...Bond is toast.
ReplyDeletewoah woah woah. Since when does bond have Haephaestus on his side?
ReplyDeleteWoah is right. He doesn't, I'm just not buying that either. Oliver claims it due to Bond's "extreme luck," but I say that's "extreme nonsense." Haephy would not side with Bond, no matter how persuasive his attempts at manipulation.
ReplyDeleteWhy wouldn't Haephaestus side with Bond? Zeus chucked him out of Olympus causing him to become lame. Permanently. And Haephaestus is Zeus' son. Doesn't that strike you as a little harsh?
ReplyDeleteOf course it's harsh! That's why Haephy would not go against him. Fear of abusive parent. Vast majority of abuse victims never get over it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe not directly. But if the opportunity presented itself, and he saw a chance to turn the tables in a duel by sabotaging Zeus' equipment and providing Bond with something that took advantage of that, isn't it possible that all those years of bottled anger could be unleashed? He is known for being crafty.
ReplyDeleteThis discussion is closed until the overturn time!
ReplyDelete